Trial

Those days are weird - in many respects. On one hand, I'm happier than I've been for a long time - on the other, just like some kind of compensation, there are lots of moments I tend to be melancholic. Those two conditions are - of course - connected ... the happier you are, the more you feel how much you miss when the reason you're happy isn't with you.

I "expect" too much - I know I do every time I like someone. I expect to be seen as I see, I expect the other to react just like I would, and I "expect" that something is "wrong" if the previously written is not the case. And of course I know I can't do that.
I guess the hardest part of friendship is to truly except that your friends are different from you. That their actions don't necessarily reflect the same feelings you would be showing doing what they do, and that you can't see all their reasons even if they seem obvious. Still it's hard to really "believe" in what I "know".
So I'm home, feeling alone, cause someone who's been seeing me like thrice a week for the last few weeks just doesn't this week. And I think about whether I've done something wrong or his feelings for me just changed all of a sudden or why else he's in no mood to see me - and I know it's nonsense, I really do - I just can't stop feeling as if it wasn't, anyway. He's got a new girlfriend, he doesn't have much time - he even suggested to help me today for I asked him when he could, and it was me who told him, it'd be better to postpone since I'm too tired to do that stuff today.
I hate the way I work in those moments, really - I'm constantly looking for signs that the other isn't what I wish/think him to be. I guess I have really good reason - learning from experience you could call it - but what's past after all is past and I can't go on mistrusting people that have never done anything wrong - on the contrary - just because I'm too afraid to risk to be wrong about them. The only good thing is that here, even if I was wrong, the worst that could happen is that I'd be hurt ...

I'll learn in time ...