What does it take...

... to make a friend? Is it something in common, shared passions or dreams? A liking for something or similar spirit? Is it trust that just is, without reason or proof - a special connection noone can define? What makes friendship special, can it ever be? What do friends mean to us, what should they be? There's a great difference between friends and those I just like - I insist on this detail, though noone seems to understand. I don't call them my friends if I don't feel they are - I don't insult them, I just tell the truth.
If someone mistakes me just for his mind works different from mine, then what is still left? Nothing but trust... that I "didn't mean to", that I saw it differently. Friendship is trust - the highest form of it. My friends should trust me, I'd never harm them on purpose. "Friendship's no licence to do what you please" - that's what I've been told, but I disagree - it's a licence to the right to always be trusted, even if not understood at some times... to be forgiven and tried to be helped for I might need it - not be let down cause I did something wrong. When people feel worst they do things they don't mean - and just when that happens they'd need a friend to overcome pride or anger and look what's behind that behaviour. Isn't it the greatest betrayel of trust to leave them just then? The more they love you, the more they might hurt you if they feel betrayed or left alone - a desperate, foolish try to make you see... - but the more you are respectively hurt by that, the more you must love them back or you wouldn't care... to part because of that... wouldn't it be insanity?

The year is almost over, Christmas almost here. I don't know why people start to think about others just at this time of the year... I'm always like that - contemplative, giving thoughts to such things... I guess it's the feeling of "warmth" everyone wants to feel at Dec. 24th/25th - the feeling everyone misses if he/she can't find it. I'm missing someone as well... all the time, every day of the year. There's hardly, I'd even say "never", a week I don't at least once shed tears cause the pain gets too much... but I cope... somehow. It can't be helped anyway... the despair alone won't bring him back... The least I owe him is to try not to fall for it, but to hope... after all, we've been through worse.

Merry Christmas to all of you...