Decisions...

I haven't been writing for a long time. Everything's changing now...

I'm sitting in my car, driving to work, and it takes me through a street with trees beside it and fields beyond them. I look at the mountains in the distance and come to think why I'm doing everything I do... why I'm driving to work every day, though I could do things that would have so much more meaning to me, why I keep on living like I do, though I know what I'd like to change... Things seem so difficult to change, but are they really? Maybe it's just me being afraid - and that makes me worry even more so... that I'm the one - the only thing - that really keeps me from being what I want to be and doing what I want to do. It's hard letting go, but is it always for the worst if you do? Sometimes, certainly - but surely not always... it could be the exact opposit at times - at this time, probably.

I made up my mind to dare the change. I want to trust my longing rather than my insecurity. I won't do it at once and I won't do it without giving thought as to what the consequences will be, but I will do it - a few weeks, a few months... I'll see, but take my chances. Life is for living and I am not - I'm merely existing as it is now. I know it's gonna be hard at first... but I hope that in the end I'll be happier than I am now - proud of what I did.

Wish me luck...