Have you ever wondered...

... who'd miss you were you gone? I don't necessarily mean dead, but also moving to a different country, enganged in work so that you won't have time to see anyone anymore or simply quitting your inet connection contract so that you'd only be heard of when called or met in person. It's an interesting thought on the other hand, to think about who you'd miss if (s)he was to be gone...
I'm sure you'll find it's only very few you'd really do miss - most of those "losses" won't bother you too much... you might think things like "hey, a pitty I don't see them anymore", but you won't really be sad about it or feel something was taken from you that can't be replaced easily...

I wondered today if that's actually good or bad - this human ability of "forgetting" others we won't see again. After all, everyone has to deal with the loss of people they like or even love sooner or later - people will move away, choose a path in life you can't follow or even die and if we couldn't ever stop missing them, our lives would become unbearably sad, I guess...
On the other hand, it makes me think if I really like those guys indeed or if it's just what they do that keeps them with me - and if they themselves aren't there anymore I'll just find new guys taking their "positions" in my life - doing the same for me their predecessors did before them... and if I feel like that - others will as well, making me this kind of "people" for them - meaning, they won't really care, either.
A sad thought actually, but it doesn't make me sad - just kinda anxious that kind of thing will be the fact for one of the few people I don't see like that. It's a pitty that liking isn't automatically mutual... or it's good, but that's a different story again ;)

Oh and... I was asked if I was really that "insecure" guessing about all the stuff I write about. The answere is no, I'm not. I'm just thinking quite a lot but after all fact is that, in the very most cases, I know exactly what I want or feel or expect or should do. I just do have the opinion that one can only understand things truely if one's looking at them from different perspectives - guessing about what others might feel in the same situation or wondering why oneself is of this or that specific opinion and what other options there could be. I know I talk like I was in doubt but actually the only thing I'm in doubt of is, if I shouldn't be in doubt about my decision - cause I most certainly am not. It's weird to understand, I know, but that's how I work - always have been... and I guess I shouldn't act in a way I am not feeling but it's not like I was pretending - it's just my way of "making sure" I haven't overlooked some other option there was that I'd like even better...

Well, there's also news from the flat-front... and to make it short: I won't be moving too soon. I decided against it for several (also financial but mostly personal) reasons... So much talking about nothing in the end and I kinda feel dumb for I told several people I'd be moving and I really don't feel like explaining why I won't after all, but that can't be helped, I guess. At least I'll have LOTS of money from now on... still little space, though :-/ But it's not like I'm used to living in something different than a (yet very comfortable) mouse-hole :)

I admit, I mostly feel relieved - nice feeling, really :)