Resumé

After writing this last entry I read through all the posts here I had writting in the past three years ... and it was funny to see how things I somehow mentioned there turned out in the end ...

A spark of fate ...
The awakening ... was referred to someone I know. He seemed to have so much within him, never letting it out ... it wasn't only that - I thought he might be something he wasn't yet showing ... but he wasn't. And he decided to even enforce the locks on this better part of him. He knows it, even admits to it ... but he knows he only does cause it's the easier way. I am very sorry for that cause I'd have loved to see him take the other way.

Purposes ...
Those special moments - I've had only two since then ... one only very recently. They both proved me right in the end.
My friend and her boyfriend ... they've parted shortly after that. She has someone new now and is very happy with him. I'm glad for her.
The part about needing to be the right person seems to just prove right once more these days - though in a good way for once.

Decisions ...
I took the turn I wanted to - but only a few months ago, and now I am right in the middle of it. It took as long as it took because I needed to make sure ... make sure I really knew what I risked, not make sure I wouldn't lose it in the end. I am now.

What does it take ...
There's two people now - one already for real, one still only in wish ... but for the first time ever last year I found someone that made me feel I wasn't the only one thinking like this. He's proven to be a friend like that - not to me, cause there was no need to, yet, but to others - and I am sure he would to me, too.

A new beginning?!
My "social behaviour" hasn't improved one bit ... but with time I care less and less. I don't know whether that's good or not - but at least I've finally found someone who seems to think along the same lines. It doesn't make me feel more "right" about those things - but it's nice to see someone agree for once.
I also got my new flat - not the one I was talking about but a better one - and I've been living here for more than one and a half years now. I love this place, even though it costs a small fortune each month.

Life's not bad ...
The friend I talked about has now finished his studies and will start to work in Spring - and guess what? He loves his job ... Of course I didn't let him down in the end - like I ever could ... I did tell those things into his face, though. He's still got lots of problems, but it seems he's handling them better with each month to pass - I'm glad for that ... Gosh, I've known him for 23 years now ...

New perspectives?
Job issues still went on after that - but they've finally found an end now, thanks to me finally being able to kick myself in the butt for alwayst trying to be considerate of others ...

Long time no see ...
This post was inspired by someone I know - the one from "A Spark of fate", actually ... and I did let him go - just like I said. Crazy thing was, as soon as I did, he started coming back after me. I don't push him away now, I just don't care anymore - so we are in contact, but I wouldn't miss him if we weren't anymore, either. He still doesn't care to understand what I tried to make him see then ...

Like nothing else...
One of the gladest experiences I've ever had and it still lasts. We're friends now, real ones - and I know I can always count on him. I really do love him - and he's the only one here who ever really appreciated and understood that love doesn't need to be something that's resevered for one person in life only ... after all there's more than one way of loving someone and they don't contradict each other.

Trial
... was about the one I just wrote about. I talked to him ... really, for once overcoming all bad experiences I'd had. He understood and made me see there's nothing to fear, no matter how it seemed at times - I don't remember ever having felt as grateful towards somebody in this world as then, though all it took was a few words and gestures.

Sometimes ...
That spark's become a small fire now. I don't know where it will go from here, but things look very good ...

So, after all ... things really turned out for the better. There still is and always will be trouble - but I'm headed in the right direction. That's good to understand ...