It's been a while since the last post here and my life's indeed changed a lot. I'm living in my new flat now - a pretty big but yet not too expensive one - I got the second corrector job that I applied for and seemingly everything found some good ending ... seemingly because nothing's ended, yet - and almost nothing is exactly where I want it, yet, either.
Today I'm told to "stop looking for things I can't find and focus on things I know where to find" - letting go ... a human's way of dealing if the bother gets too much.
Letting go indeed is important - I've had to accept that many times in the past - you can't keep everything alive and well forever, no matter how powerful you are ... eventually things will leave or just vanish into nothingness and there's nothing you can do to prevent it. It's those times where you have to let go - but only after you asked yourself and truthfully found that there is no other way ... times, when you actually know you don't have a chance even if you will fight on ... when things no longer are in your hands - but not as an excuse. Not only to "make it stop". My experience shows that the things most precious to me were always found at the end of painful paths and straying from them wouldn't have led me where I finally found them. I don't mind the pain, just the insecurity - my most human side, I guess.
How to explain to someone who refuses to listen to the things he needed to know so he could understand? Not at all - letting go ...
It's raining hard outside - lightnings flash through the sky, thunders roar with them - there's no weather more beautiful than that - when the spray hits you while you're leaning into the wind just outside your window and the air is cool around you, smelling of the water ... I wish I could go to the seaside now, sit on some cliff and look at the crashing waves.
I'll see this as a present for this night.
So far ...
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
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